Luke Schrieber ’28
President Eisgruber has been in the news a lot this past year, with the encampments, the pressure to move to Hoboken, the Supreme Court overturning affirmative action, and so on. Now, everyone knows that the affirmative action debates will resolve themselves at some point or another. The main issue currently facing Princeton, and frankly, the United States of America, is whether or not the campus should be moved to the amazing town of Hoboken, New Jersey.
According to official sources, Princeton students gripe about everything from midterms, to food quality, to the hole in their backpack through which I keep losing my Hoboken stickers, to grades. Yet, Princeton students complain by far the most about the campus not being in Hoboken, NJ. Hoboken is similar to Princeton, in that it is a town in the great state of New Jersey. However, Hoboken has various qualities that make many students question why Princeton University would ever be in Princeton.
Hoboken, the birthplace of Frank Sinatra, is also where the first Oreo was sold, where the first brewery in America was created, where baseball began, where the zipper was invented, where the first Blimpie Sandwich Shop was opened, where the person who created the waffle cone was from, and so much more. The crime rate is reported to be 0%, the homeless population is 0, and the diversity is 100%. In the Daily Princetonian’s Frosh Survey, the most popular response to “Where is your dream place to live?,” was “Hoboken,” followed by “Paris,” then “HBKN” (the most common abbreviation for Hoboken).
Not only students have suggested moving to Hoboken. Faculty, alumni, and other humans have also taken notice. When asked about the consequences of a hyperpolarized America, Democratic House leader Hakeem Jeffries said, “The only thing counterbalancing a polarizing U.S.A. right now is the shared love for Hoboken, New Jersey. Republicans and I disagree on many subjects, but Hoboken is not and will never be one of them. It is perhaps the sole unifying force of this country. It is truly shocking that Princeton University has yet to move their campus to Hoboken.”
President Eisgruber, under pressure from the board, is expected to move Princeton University’s main campus to Hoboken some time in the coming year. The primary question is now when, and will we become “Hoboken University?” I certainly hope so.
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