TIGER MAGAZINE LOVES YOU
<3
-
University Student Government Winter Election Candidates 2025
Read more: University Student Government Winter Election Candidates 2025Who are you voting for? Statements from the Candidates Themselves Edited by Elena Eiss ‘28 and William Zhao ‘29 Geoffery James Eisenhower Running for: USG President Class Year: 2027 Hey Princeton! My name is Geoff, and I’m running to be your USG President. This is a very important role, and I am the only candidate…
-
President Christopher Eisgooner’s Nudes Leaked in Cybersecurity Breach
Read more: President Christopher Eisgooner’s Nudes Leaked in Cybersecurity BreachPresident Eisgooner reportedly used “GoTigers!” as his OnlyFans password By James “Jim” Dillon ‘26 In an announcement to the Princeton community on November 16th, University administration reported that outside actors were able to breach into a University database containing highly sensitive information concerning students, alumni, faculty, and more. Most of the important personal information that…
-
Fine Hall not ‘Fine’ Enough: University Announces Finer Hall
Read more: Fine Hall not ‘Fine’ Enough: University Announces Finer HallBy William Zhao ‘29 and Vihaan Jim ‘29 Fine Hall in comparison with blueprint plans for Finer Hall In a recent change, led by the artistic temperament of President Eistopher Chrisgruber, the University has decided that Fine Hall is not, in fact, fine. Indeed, Mr. Chrisgruber has even found the building quite repugnant. Accordingly, the…
-
Possible Reasons for the Existence of PetroCat
Read more: Possible Reasons for the Existence of PetroCatBy James “Jim” Dillon ‘26 Lately, news of PetroCat, the Texas-based fossil fuel company owned by Sprinceton University, has a lot of students confused. Though many colleges profit from connections with fossil fuels, it seems that Sprinceton is the only school to actually own a fossil fuel company. Upon learning about PetroCat, students asked many…
-
E-Bikes Contribute to Halloween Cheer by Making Everyone Afraid
Read more: E-Bikes Contribute to Halloween Cheer by Making Everyone Afraidby Charlotte Sussman ’29 With October 31st right around the corner, Princeton is getting into the Halloween spirit, and transportation is no exception. In a widely-circulated Instagram post from October 2nd, the Princeton E-Bikes Ensemble (PEE) announced plans to celebrate Halloween by scaring everyone. What was initially believed to be a joke turned into frightening…
-
IN MEMORIAM: The SHARE Play
Read more: IN MEMORIAM: The SHARE PlayWritten By Asya Morozov ’29 In an unexpected and momentous decision, Princeton has decided to eliminate the SHARE play from future freshman Orientations. This cut has left students wallowing, as the play had accumulated a mass cult following amongst the Great Class of 2029. “Why would we make freshmen sit and watch a piece that…
-
BREAKING: University Axes Trash Cans, Will Require Raccoons to Buy Dining Plan
Read more: BREAKING: University Axes Trash Cans, Will Require Raccoons to Buy Dining PlanWritten by William Zhao ’29 Starting next fall, the University has announced that raccoons living on-campus will be required to pay for dining plans. Previously, the furriest inhabitants of campus had been part of a free-trash-can-buffet system, relying on the generous abundance of waste bins around campus and the amply food-wasting habits of university students.…
-
OPINION: The True Costs of The Budget Cuts
Read more: OPINION: The True Costs of The Budget CutsWritten by Richie N.C. West ’28. Edited by Yara Almoussa ‘28 and Elena Eiss ‘28. On FDOC, I was betrayed. I stepped foot into the Hogwarts-style rooms of the Rockefeller and Mathey dining hall, lovingly known as RoMa, and made an immediate beeline for the grill. As a humble Princetonian of simple desires, I knew…
-
EDITORIAL: Ways That Make Sense to Save a Few Cents
Read more: EDITORIAL: Ways That Make Sense to Save a Few CentsElena Eiss ‘28 and Yara Almoussa ‘28 To create the change this student and many others want to see on campus, we asked our newest Tiger Magazine recruits to help brainstorm some money-saving measures the university can adopt to make Princeton great again. Here are some of their suggestions: Selling a Gutenberg Bible All those…
-
Everything Is Fine and Nothing Is Wrong
Read more: Everything Is Fine and Nothing Is WrongGeorgia Martin ’27 We here at TigerMag just want to let you know that EVERYTHING IS FINE AND NOTHING IS WRONG. We know this because there has never been any issue in the world or in our local community that has affected anyone, so it must be the case that there is nothing bad in…