Elena Eiss ‘28 and Yara Almoussa ‘28
To create the change this student and many others want to see on campus, we asked our newest Tiger Magazine recruits to help brainstorm some money-saving measures the university can adopt to make Princeton great again. Here are some of their suggestions:
Selling a Gutenberg Bible
All those precious texts just lying around Firestone C-Floor, gathering dust…why not put them to work? With only so many Gutenberg Bibles still around, we bet ours would sell for a pretty penny. Plus, we hear they come up with new editions of the Bible all the time, so what’s one less in Stone?
Getting Rid of Forbes Lunch
One of the most lamented budget cuts so far has been the reduced hours of Frist Late Meal lunch to…just Late Meal hours. We propose the reopening of everyone’s favorite lunch spot from 11am-4pm and INSTEAD just get rid of Forbes lunch to make up the difference. Think about it: miles away from the rest of campus, who even goes to Forbes lunch? Forbesians? You know they don’t count.
Cutting the Prince Humor Section
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Rolling Blackouts on Prospect Avenue on Saturday Nights
Saves bills and the planet, just maybe not you from tripping over the curb. Nobody needs lights when they’re already blacking out.
Sell Nassau Hall to the Nassau Inn
Picture this: Your parents are in town, looking for a place to stay. You are looking to get out of a sticky honor code violation situation. Well look at that–your parents’ room at the Nassau Inn Hall Suites™ is right next to President Christopher Eisgruber’s office! How convenient! Encourage them to grab coffee or make a well-timed donation. Bada-bing bada-boom. Honor code violation gone.
Fox Trapping
It’s okay—once NCW gets renamed, they can choose a new mascot. Plus, fox trapping could make new, much-needed opportunities for student employment as well as locally-sourced residential college coats.
Turning East Pyne into a Spirit Halloween During Fall Semester
Partnering with Spirit Halloween would really fill a gap in Princeton’s shopping scene. Lululemon, Urban Outfitters, now Brandy Melville, but no Spirit??? Disgraceful. University-specific merchandise could include costumes like the Ghost of Dean’s Date, the Dinky Devil, Performative Precept Male, and F. Scott Fitzgerald But Sexy.
Selling the Forbes Annex to a Private Prison Company
It’s more than halfway there already. Everyone waitlisted after room draw in the spring can join as the Annex’s first inmates along with any first years who share their SAT scores.
Cutting the Math Department
No explanation needed.
We trust our suggestions will be heard by the university—if not by the administration, by its students. Stay strong out there. Look out for further action steps from the Princeton Tiger in the near future…
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